These are some “tools” I encourage the four of us in our family to use when we are upset or when another person is upset.  These are generally based on the idea that people mean well, and people will do well (or kind, or generous, or understanding) when they can.  To me this boils down to the idea that problems arise from lack of skills or lack of coping abilities, not from the intent to cause harm. If I can interact with others while mindful of my intent and recognizing their positive intent while in a conflict, I am able to approach from a very different angle and often solve things more quickly and with less hurt.

These are in no particular order, just a list of tools that might help people maneuver positively in conflicts with others.

Ask “Why”? and listen to the answer.

Name your feeling.

Make a request.

Move to a safe space.

Suggest a solution.

Ask for help.

Choose to let the other person choose.

Take a deep breath and look for calm.